a nerdy girl living the cat lady dream in our nation's capital
learning to find joy in the smallest of things is truly the best way to ensure growing happiness.
Today he would have been 65.
All I can say is that it still really sucks.
And he is missed so, so, so much.
—Fred Thursday, Endeavour (via vwiola)
Was supposed to be driving back to D.C. today, but snow prevented that. So had a hearty breakfast and am now waiting for chocolate chip cookies to bake. I love home.
So, does stuffing Otis’s favorite green bed in my suitcase for my flight today in order to bring it to Michigan from DC make me crazy or just a good cat-mom? #catstagram #cats #otis
So, at some point you have to leave what my mom, brother and I have been referring to as “the bubble” and head back into the new normal. I am easing my way back in - I’m in D.C. this week, but heading back home on Saturday and working remotely next week. The cats are still in Michigan, so it’s strange to be here and not have two furry little faces greet you at the door or snuggle up with you at night, but I know my mom is enjoying them as is my brother, who is with her this week.
I flew back in late Monday and actually headed up to NYC by train on Tuesday. I somehow was picked in a raffle to go on an all-expenses paid trip to visit our “Puppy Bowl Experience” in Times Square and to a swanky party. It was actually perfect as most of my favorite co-workers were there and I was able to be around a lot of people I love while dealing with everything. But I won’t lie, it was a bit overwhelming and I slept from 8pm last night til 8am this morning. Still working on the new normal.
But I got to meet Lil BUB. And I got to pet her. She is so tiny and sweet and adorable and it’s very obvious that her dude just loves her. It’s amazing how animals bring such happiness when you most need it. And I gawked at Nigel Barker and Jon Stewart and some other celebrities. I ate cupcakes, watched puppies, drank a ton of water, smiled for photos, regretted wearing tights after spending most of my days in leggings and oversized sweaters. And it was good to be out and with coworkers. But it was also extremely hard. Hard because you’re trying to act normal, like you’re OK, trying to be strong - but it’s a lot of work.
So, while it’s nice to be easing back into the new normal rather than going straight from the frying pan into the fire, I am so looking forward to returning to the bubble this weekend.
New Yorkers, if you’re able, head to 226 W 44th St. (Discovery Times Square), for the Puppy Bowl Experience. It’s free and adorable. 10am-7pm through Saturday. From 4-7 you can play with adoptable puppies.
that’s the time between my dad’s diagnosis and his passing.
however terrible you think this feeling is, multiply it by a thousand and then another thousand. my wish for all of you is that you never have to receive a call like the one i did that Saturday morning. one that changes your life forever and makes you cry in ways you never have before.
my dad was only 64. he was diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumor in his liver - a metastatic carcinoma that originated from another area - in early December. It was rare and aggressive and was similar to that which Steve Jobs suffered. his doctors said it was unlikely that the tumor had been there even six months. chemo was the only answer and would buy him some time. we hoped he would make it to September for my brother’s wedding. we did not think he would be gone this soon.
i wanted to stay through his first week of treatment, but true to my dad’s work-ethic, he said i needed to go back to the office, to not take advantage of my company’s generosity to let me work from home. we had planned that i would come back for his second round of treatment in late January, once we knew how he’d respond to the chemo.
while his death was sudden, one thing i am grateful for is that he was my dad to the very end. we joked via text message Friday night. we had a nice, long phone conversation on Thursday. i’m also grateful he’s no longer in pain. he rarely complained, but we knew these last few months were not easy for him.
we laid him to rest in his favorite leather jacket. his suit coats no longer fit because he had lost so much weight. we rode to the funeral services in his beloved Mustang GT - squishing into the back because we knew we had to do it. we picked flowers in maize and blue colors. i cried so much the skin around my eyes chapped to a bright red. the amount of love we received in this time makes my heart burst. for those interested, here is his very simple obituary.
thank you, tumblr friends, for your sweet messages, your emails, your notes. i wish i was able to thank you all personally because your kindness helped me through this process. if you sent an email or a note and i haven’t responded, it’s likely because i’m still struggling to find the words. and one thing i’ve learned through all of this is that hearing from friends, or anyone, is so uplifting and heart-warming. if you ever know someone suffering from loss and wonder whether or not you should reach out - do. they may not respond right away or at all, but know that your actions and words are felt and needed during this difficult time.
i’ve got a ways to go in the long, hard road ahead. bear with me as i figure out these next few days, weeks, months. it’s going to be a struggle.
and hug your dad. tell him you love him. and cherish those memories you have together and make as many new ones as possible.
and for that matter, hug your mom too.
and if you can’t easily access them for a hug, give them a call.
the thing about cancer is that it absolutely wreaks havoc on your body.
the shittier thing about cancer is that the treatment wreaks even further havoc on your body.
i lost my dad saturday morning.
while he was sick, we expected more time with him.
my heart hurts. my body aches. i break all over again once i look at my mom. and i can’t help but repeating “it’s just not fair.”
so, please. hug your dad. or a dad-figure. or your mom. or anyone.
do it because all i want is to hug him one more time.
DISCLAIMER: This blog in NO WAY reflects the opinion or standing of my employer, Discovery Communications. All random thoughts, opinions, photos, weird analysis and videos/photos of cute animals are solely a reflection of me, myself and I, and not them. The end.