[a little muckraking]

do you ever have moments where the weight of news sinks in, but not until a few days after you learn it?

i was talking to my mom on mother’s day and she mentioned that they were close to closing with the people who were buying my grandparent’s home. my grandpa passed away when i was 11, and my grandma just a month or so after i graduated from college. 

the home is one that has been in my family forever. my grandpa was born there and lived there after his parents passed. my mom was raised in a little home that lived on the small lot next to it. my grandparents were farmers and my family has sold off much of the farm land. they used to raise cattle, and the last cow was sold sometime last year. all this information was hard and i thought it had prepared me for the news that the little white house on Far Road was being sold to someone who wanted to take the time to fix it up rather than tear it down.

but while getting ready this morning, i started crying. crying for the memories of summers spent in the kitchen with my grandma; or mornings watching cartoons from the comfort of my grandpa’s lap as he sat in his old, brown chair; holidays spent sitting around a dining room table that was too small for all my family members; opening our christmas stockings/gift bags while lined up in the hallway; or the one corner of the wall that gave me a scar that lives forever on my forehead. 

but then i started crying for all the memories that would never be. i always wanted to have engagement photos taken there; i wanted to show my own kids the farm someday; and i was jealous that my cousin was able to use it for some of her own wedding festivities. and it hit me just how much i felt i was missing.

and it took me two seconds to remind myself that even though this stuff will never be the way i imagined, it doesn’t mean that there’s a reason to be sad or to mourn what once was. there’s always something new waiting for us, something hopefully better than what we imagined. and dwelling too long on what once was or never will be keeps us from reaching those things. am i still sad? yes. but the memories make me happy and help me realize that the best is still yet to come. corny, but true.

Posted 1 year ago — 37 notes